If you’re in your twenties and looking for an affordable way to live abroad, becoming an au pair is a fantastic option. In 2023 I spent three months in Barcelona, Spain, with a host family—read about my experience here. Overall I had a really good experience and I attribute most of that to all of the research I did during my search for a host family.
I have gathered 10 of the most important questions to ask prospective host families. These questions will allow you to find the family that best suits your needs and will prevent any awkward or uncomfortable situations.
1. How would you describe your parenting style?
Understanding the family’s approach to parenting is crucial. If you prefer structure and discipline, you may not be a good fit for a family with a more relaxed style. Ask about their primary methods of discipline and rules around things like screen time. I once worked with a family that didn’t believe in telling their children the word “no,” needless to say that made for a very long summer!
2. What days will I have off for holidays?
Clarify your days off before accepting the position. Living abroad is an incredible opportunity to explore and travel, so it’s important to have your time off clearly stated in your contract. Make sure to ask about bank holidays and any random school holidays the kids might have. Will you have those days off, or will there be extra compensation in the event that you have to work those holidays?
3. What will my living quarters be like?
Your room is your sanctuary, so make sure you’ll be comfortable. Ask for the dimensions of your room and request photos. Is there enough natural light? Will you have your own bathroom or will you be sharing? Knowing these details can make a big difference in your experience.
4. Where will I be living?
Get a clear picture of your living situation. Will you be in the city center, the suburbs, or somewhere else? What is the public transportation like? How far is the nearest bus or train stop? I recommend asking for a house tour during your video call to get a better sense of your new environment.
5. How will groceries work?
Your host family is legally responsible for providing groceries, so it’s important to discuss how this will work. Will they give you a credit card, provide extra pocket money, or expect you to create a shopping list? If you prefer healthier options and they don’t, will you be okay cooking for yourself?
6. What will be my primary mode of transportation?
If the family has a car, ask if you’ll be able to drive it—and whether it’s an automatic or manual! If you can’t drive their car, make sure public transportation is accessible and that you’re close to necessary amenities.
7. How will I be compensated for childcare outside of agreed-upon hours?
Life can be unpredictable, and you may find yourself asked to babysit last-minute for date nights or other events. Discuss compensation for these additional hours in advance to avoid any awkward conversations later.
8. Are you willing to help with the cost of flights or visas?
The process of becoming an au pair can get expensive quickly. The visa process alone can cost several hundred dollars, and if you’re flying from the States, round-trip tickets can be upwards of a thousand dollars. Some families may be willing to split these costs, so it’s worth asking!
9. What extras will be provided?
In addition to groceries, it’s smart to inquire about other perks. Since your salary will likely be small, try to negotiate for extras like a SIM card, gym membership, or a public transportation pass.
10. Will there be a curfew?
Even though you’re an adult, some families may have curfews or preferences about late-night outings. If you enjoy nightlife, discuss this upfront to ensure your free time aligns with the family’s expectations.
By asking these questions, you’ll set yourself up for a positive and fulfilling au pairing experience. Open communication with your host family is key to making the most of your time abroad!
